Tuesday, April 26, 2011 By: Unconditionally You

Adult Bullies, Are You One? (by Melissa)

I want to start this blog post with a definition.

From http://dictionary.reference.com:

a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people. 

(verb) (used without object)

to be loudly arrogant and overbearing.
I think it is very important to bring up the definition of "bully" because even as adults the line between normal societal behavior and bullying type behavior gets blurry for some people.  When is it okay to be opinionated and bitchy? Is it ever okay to be bitchy? Are there times where opinions themselves are inappropriate and cross the line of bullying?

I read a blog by a guy named Dan called Single Dad Laughing. He writes passionately about many subjects and is careful to say that his blog is an "opinion blog". He wrote a blog awhile back about his dog getting loose from his yard, naturally his son was upset. Of course they looked for the dog but he was just not to be found, unfortunately. There was a recent update about how Dan and Noah found a new dog. And let me tell you, the pictures and the accompanying blog post were adorable!

Most of the comments were great and supportive. There were a handful though bashing him because of the other dog that had gotten out of the fence, basically calling Dan a horrible pet owner and what the hell was he thinking getting another dog? They were extreme comments, I am not going to lie. It was really to the point of bullying and it made me sick to read them.    
"To be loudly arrogant and overbearing." Came to mind.
I am a group owner on a parenting website for a debate type message board. For the most part the posters on the board are funny, witty and super intelligent people. I love this board and visit it several times a day for the intellectual conversation. It goes without saying that on a debate board topics will become VERY heated at times. Most of the posters that have been on the board for a long time debate quite well without personally attacking the people on the other side of the debate. But there are absolutely posters on there who will resort to using hate speech and intimidating language during debates to belittle and demean the opposition.
I don't care what anyone says, they are using bullying tactics and they know it. The sickening part is they then blame the opposition for being too sensitive. Well you know when someone says you are a child abuser because you chose to get your son circumsized... I think it is okay to be offended by that.  It is most often an extremist group in a debate that will do this, not someone who is willing to state their case and agree to disagree. Nor is it someone who wants to educate others about why they made the choice that they made. When the extremists come out then you have a very vocal group terrorizing anyone who dares to disagree. 
"A blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person (or group) who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people (or smaller groups)." Comes to mind.
Women, we are horrible for this. Not all of us, and not all of the time. And I am sure men do it too. But I know, because I am a woman, that females have the ability to be horribly catty to each other in a bullying type way. I am not exempt, I have done my share of things that I am not proud of. 
Think about this ladies, the last time you said something like this about another woman in conversation with your friends:

"I can't believe fat people wear bikinis"

"That skinny girl really needs to eat something. She looks anorexic"

"You know the only reason she got that promotion is because she slept with every guy in the office"

"I don't get along with women, you can't trust them."

"I can't believe that woman would rather be with a woman. How gross."

"You know he wouldn't be with her if he hadn't got her pregnant. I mean she is fat and sloppy and he is hot."

"Women shouldn't be in the military. Why do they want to be like men?"

"Did you see that female bodybuilder? I swear that's a dude. Female body builders are gross."

"Why the hell does someone have that many kids? The vagina is not a clown car."

"You know guys only date blondes because they will give it up on the first date, right?"

"Did you see that girls ass? She is obese! I don't care if she does have a washboard stomach, you can't have a butt that big and not be obese. I don't care if you are a famous tennis player"

I could go on and on but you get the point. WHY do women tear each other down with this bully type behavior? Is it because we want to be the alpha female in all settings? Is it so they don't do it to us first? Is it competition? Why why why?

Why do parents do this to each other? Is it because we feel like our way is the only way to parent? Is it because we feel the need to be superior? Are we so insecure about ourselves that we have to bash other parents that do things differently? Do we really think we have all the answers and must force this knowledge onto the ignorant masses before the children self destruct into psychopathic blobs of useless flesh?

Why do adults do this to each other? Have we not matured enough to have adult conversations? Do we not posses vocabulary adequate enough that we need not drag out name calling and bullying type behavior? Must we dominate people in our life to make us feel as though we are, in fact, as great as we think we are? Is it a direct correlation to our self esteem to be the most right? Is the only way to solve a problem through intimidation and badgering? Must we be loudly arrogant and overbearing in our opinions? 

And does anyone who bullies and intimidates others with their beliefs honestly think that they are doing anything besides wasting their breath when they use this tactic?

Please feel free to use the comment section below to discuss adult bullying. I would love to hear your point of view and input in this debate!